His Jail Buddy
by Super Vanilla Bear
Summary: Just because I unintentionally hurt the kid and landed him in jail with me doesn't mean I have to even utter that terrible word that makes me want to kill myself.


**Author's Note:** I do not own the television show _Scrubs_ or any of its characters.

This is just a short one-shot featuring my two favorite characters from the show. I really hope you guys will enjoy it!

* * *

_His Jail Buddy_

"You're joking, right? Please, dear Lord, let him be joking," I say as I fold my hands together and look up at the ceiling of this hell-hole. This can't be happening, especially to me of all people. I repeat many different versions of this in my mind, varying from _Dammit God, you better not let him answer "No" to this question_ and the classic _I'm going to beat the living crap out of you if you don't say something along the lines of "I'm just kidding" within the next three seconds_. You know, the usual. The fact that it's taking him this long to answer is making my jaw clench up.

Bobbo just shakes his head. "I'm not joking. You're going."

"I'm so nawt."

"You are."

"Maybe in your vodka-drowned dreams, but not in this world."

"Perry, someone has to go."

"You're right, Bobbo, someone does, indeed, have to go. But why on God's green earth is that person me? I mean, come on. There's tons of doctors in this dump who would jump through that fire-rimmed hula hoop just to go on to a medical conference like this one. But, of course, being someone who I'm not even sure is half-human anymore, you have to pick me. Well, Bob Cat, I gotta tell you something that might be heartbreakin' to ya: There is no way in hell that I am going. Not now. Not e-ehever. Got that?" I ask him as I shove my hands into my coat pockets.

Big Bob flashes me and evil smile. "Be here at six tomorrow morning. Oh, by the way, tell Dr. Dorian that he'll be accompanying you."

"What?" I feel my face heat up with fury and I move my hands to the top of my head.

"You heard me, Stud. Now, I've gotta go; I hear there's a bake sale in pediatrics and I have to make it there before someone steals the last brownie." And then he's gone, his blubbering form of self bouncing up and down like Jell-O down the hallway. I stand in awe for a few minutes, my eyes screwed shut and my mind only focusing on one, super significant thing.

Newbie.

I have to bring...Newbie?

What in the hell am I supposed to do? I mean, I'm going to kill him some time during the trip for touching the door handle or speaking to me, be forced to bury him somewhere remote, and then go on living life like it never happening. Wait. That actually sounds like a good idea. Maybe it won't be so bad if I follow through with that plan. Nah...it's still going to suck big time.

"Hey Dr. Cox, I was wondering if -"

Speaking of the devil...

"Jennifer, what did I tell you this morning?"

He gulps. "To-to, um, not talk to you. B-But, you see, I-I have this patient and I, well, I don't know -"

"For God's sake, Amanda. How do you still not understand? I. Do. Nawt. Care."

Newbie gulps. "But, um, she's septic and I can't figure out what's wrong with her," he tells me as he clutches her file harder in his hands.

I snatch the folder out of these scrawny, limp things he gets away with calling fingers and begin to walk down to his patient's room. Don't get me wrong, the kid is honestly the most annoying person I've ever met in my life, but I'm not the type of guy to sacrifice a patient just because I hate someone...or maybe I am, but still. He follows me like a puppy, adjusting to my every move before I have to just stop us cold in the middle of the cattle. Newbie crashes hard into my rock hard back and mumbles something that sounds like "Owwie".

"Be here at six tomorrow morning and not a minute more," I tell him in the simplest terms possible.

The kid smiles. "Why? Are we gonna -"

"No, Newbie, we're not going to have a study date. Kelso's got me going on this stupid med conference and, congrats, he told me that I have to bring you. So throw on your favorite dress and new pair of high heels and be here at six o'clock sharp. If you're even a second late, I'll pick you up by your spaghetti straps and tie you to the back of my car. Got it?"

He fidgets nervously. "G-Got it."

"Good girl."

* * *

It's right before six when I pull into the parking lot of the hospital. Newbie's already here, two cups of coffee in his hands and a small bag at his feet. I stop right in beside him, nearly knocking him over, and roll down my window. "I'm not your maid, Janice. Put your bag in the trunk and get in the car." He obliges and carefully does each thing, trying not to blow his one chance.

Newbie buckles up and then holds out one of the cups of coffee, raising his eyebrows in a gesture for me to take it from him. I do, mainly because I'm dying of thirst and haven't had any caffeine since yesterday at lunch. I nod and my focus returns back to the road ahead of me, which has never looked so boring. The four hour trip is definitely not going to go well.

It's completely silent in my car. Newbie's looking away from me, just out the window, with his arms crossed and his head nearly lolled over to where the car seat meets the door. "Don't even think about falling asleep there, Therese. If I can't sleep, neither can you," I tell him and he straightens up, becoming more awake and alert as soon as I say it.

"Why can't I sleep?" He asks.

"Danger, Newbie."

"But it's not fair. If you had let me drive, you could've slept."

"I don't know what they've been telling you in _Fairy Princess Land_, but life's not fair. Get used to it."

"Dr. Cox, I've barely gotten any sleep this week."

"Not my problem, Newbile One."

He groans and leans his head back. The kid has been working on my schedule since it _is _only his second year here, which explains why he has these dark rings under his eyes. He honestly doesn't look too wiped out at this point, but I have a feeling it's going to get worse as the day goes on. And so help me, if he even starts to smart off to me, I'll throw him into the nearest ditch and watch him frantically try to climb out. I can't deal with the attitude, especially since all it ever seems like I do is help the kid whenever he needs it at the hospital.

Newbie closes his eyes again and I slap him on the head. "Stay awake, Molly."

"Yes sir," he mumbles.

* * *

"Newbie, so help me God, if you lean in to touch my radio again, I will brain you."

"But I'm tired of listening to the silence!"

"How many times do I have to say this, Margaret? I. Do. Nawt. Care."

"I understand this, but why does it have to be so quiet? My ears feel like they're going to explode!"

"My car. My rules."

"So, let me get this straight. I can't sleep, I can't turn on the stereo, and I can't do anything besides breathe."

"Honestly Newbie, I don't even want you doing that. Let's see how long you can go before you pass out."

"You're such a nice man."

"It's one of the many burdens I've grown accustomed to living with."

"I was being sarcastic."

"So was I."

Newbie reaches in to turn the volume knob on the stereo again, which causes me to violently shift the car over to the side of the road, putting it into park. "Get in the back," I tell him through my clenched teeth. This kid is getting on my last nerve, and I don't have many of those to begin with.

"Why?"

"Because that way you can't annoy me anymore."

"But Dr. Cox I -"

"Tiffany, now."

He doesn't even bother to get out, he just climbs into the back, grunting loudly as he sits down. There's not a lot of room in that small amount of space, so he's hunched together and looking like someone kicked his puppy. This causes me to smile as I pull back out on to the road, laughing internally at the discomfort Newbie is going through right now.

Maybe this drive isn't going to be so bad after all.

* * *

When we get to the building that medical conference is held in, Newbie immediately gets out of the car. He stretches his legs and then I notice he's shaking as I put on my sunglasses. It's the middle of fall, but the sun is fierce on my eyes. "Aw, does somebody have to tinkle?" I ask, throwing on my coat to protect me from the vicious wind.

"More than you would ever imagine."

"Maybe you shouldn't have guzzled down four cups of coffee on the way here."

He crosses his hands over his private parts and I can see the tension written all over his face. "I really gotta go," he whines.

"Then go! I'm not your mommy; I don't have to hold your hand."

Newbie scurries off to the nearest bathroom and I head off to sign us both in. I only say both because I'm required to, since I have all of the required information that Bobbo gave me before I came here. The kid's technically supposed to be with me at all times, but he _is_ twenty-seven years old and should be able to take care of himself. But, then I remember the time he stubbed his toe in the doctor's lounge and started crying, so much so that Carla had to calm him down even though she was in the middle of doing her own paperwork. He's such a wimp.

He returns a few minutes later with his own pair of sunglasses on, smiling like an idiot.

"Oh dear God, Rachel, you can't be serious about the shades."

I see his eyebrows raise. "Well I am. We look like rogue cops."

"Oh my God, is anyone in more hell than me right now?" I rip the sunglasses of off his face and throw them on the pavement, stepping on them repeatedly until they're in tiny pieces scattered across the ground. His eyes are wide and his mouth is gaped open. I don't know why he's surprised by this. After all, this isn't the first time I've done this to him.

"My sunglasses!" He shrieks, his voice raising two octaves.

"Way to me a man there, Grace."

He's still frowning. "What are you doing?"

"What the hell does it look like I'm doing? I'm signing both of us in."

"Oh."

"Yeah _oh_. How in the world did you get into med school?"

"Teacher recommendation. He thought I had a positive outlook on life and -"

"That was a rhetorical question, Newbie."

I continue to fill out the papers and can feel my face heating up with frustration. Since when does attending a medical conference make you fill out all of this paperwork? Every time I used to go, all I had to do was scribble my name out on a sheet and say what time I arrived. Now, they want to know damn near everything about you and the hospital you're coming from.

I rub my hand down the side of my face, sighing loudly. "Do you want to help with any of this, Newbie? After all, I don't know your date of birth or current address."

"April sixth and Elm Street at apartment seven-C."

I roll my eyes, shoving the pen and paper into his hands.

"Just fill the damn sheet out."

"Okay," he mutters.

We stand there in silence until I can't take it anymore. I throw down the writing utensil and knock the table Newbie and I are using to the ground. He takes a step back and just looks at all of the papers littered everywhere. I glare over at him and he visibly gulps, clasping his hands together and then refusing to make anymore eye contact with me.

Some guy from the window at the sign-in station comes over to me. "Sir, that's destruction of campus property."

I growl at him, showing my teeth. "I don't care. There's no reason why I should have to fill out all of that crap! Why the hell do you need to know my social security number? You're not bill collectors," I tell him as I cross my arms.

"Sir, that's important information that we have to know."

Then my anger turns into pure rage, which proves that my therapy sessions really are nawt working if I'm getting mad about something like this. I shove the guy and he lands on his ass. Hard. Newbie comes over and tries to pull me back, but I end up knocking him into a bunch of tables, sending him flying somewhere else.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that.

Before I know it, the security force of the joint grabs me by both of my arms. "Where are you taking me?" I question as I try to pull away from them.

"Jail. For assaulting a federal officer and destruction of property."

"Federal officer?" I look down at the guy's name tag.

Dammit.

Next thing I know, I'm in the back of a police car. But I'm not alone. Newbie's there too, his cheek looking a little puffy from where he bumped into everything and he's holding his right wrist. The kid is so fragile and gets hurt easily. There's no way I pushed him hard enough to even do anything to him, maybe besides a small bruise here and there.

"Why the hell are you here?" I ask.

He shrugs. "They thought I was your accomplice because I was with you when it happened."

"Did you tell them that you were just trying to hold me back?"

He nods. "Yep, but they didn't believe me."

"Well, it makes sense. After all, you're a big enough pain that you deserve to be thrown in jail."

Newbie rolls his eyes and looks away from me. Hm, I think I actually pissed the kid off.

* * *

The bars of the cell slam closed, making me jump ever-so-slightly. The cops already had both of us make our two phones calls and, with our bad luck, no one answers either time. We're forced to leave long, drawn out messages about what happened. Now, we just have to wait and hope someone will come out here to get us. But, no matter what, it'll still be a while.

Newbie's sitting at the very edge of the bench, huddled with himself, while I'm sprawled out across it. They said there isn't enough room for us to join the other convicted felons that most like smell like nothing but body odor and beer, so they threw us in this empty one. Together. It seems like I can't get rid of this kid no matter how hard I try.

He hasn't talked to me since we were in the squad car together, which I'm oh-so grateful for. The kid's done nothing but ramble away about his new fedora, his favorite ice cream flavor, or his the latest celebrity gossip, so it's nice to get an actual break from his insanity. Still, it feels odd without him saying anything; it's just an awkward feeling, especially since all he was really trying to do in the first place was make sure I wasn't going to get into any trouble. But, Perry Cox always gets in trouble. Hell, trouble is my middle names. Not really, but you get the point.

"So, Ashley, betcha never thought you'd be in jail before, huh?" I ask, the quiet starting to get to me.

Newbie shoots me a glare from the other side of the bench.

"Oh, c'mon kid. You know I didn't mean for this to happen."

"You punched a federal agent," he tells me.

I nod. "Still doesn't change the fact that I did it on purpose."

"Well, there's a little something called self-control. Ever heard of it?"

I sit up and stare him down. "Now listen here, Newbie. I do, in fact, know what self-control is. I just choose not to use it. You wanna know why? Because that would mean that I would actually have to listen to fancy, know-it-all, federal agents like that guy I knocked out because he says I have to. In my opinion, that isn't fair."

"Remember what you told me earlier today? Life's not fair. You can't just get mad and punch someone because you hate filling out paperwork."

"Last time I checked there, Newbie, it was a free country."

"Last time I checked, you can't just do whatever you want without there being consequences."

"You know what, I'm thinking you'd be a pretty good psychologist. Maybe if you switched jobs then you'd be out of my hair for good."

* * *

I gotta get out of here.

I stand with my face resting between the jail cell bars, hoping that someone would just walk through that front door to rescue me from this hell-hole. I swear, it's even worse than the hospital in here. It's been over eight hours since we first entered this place and there's been no sign of us ever leaving. It's almost nine o'clock at night and I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything since eleven, which is far too long to go without having another meal. This is ridiculous, just freaking ridiculous. Why can't I ever catch a break?

Newbie's still sitting in the same exact spot as when we first arrived, not moving much since. He's clutching on to his right wrist and his eyes are a little glassy and fogged with confusion, which makes me think he's just as delusional as I am right now. He hasn't said anything else for a while now, which is making me feel slightly uneasy in the midst of all of this.

"You okay there, Newbie?" I ask him, clenching my jaw immediately afterword.

He looks up from the floor and nods his head. "Yeah. You?"

"I'm starving," is all I say.

He pulls out something out of his jacket pocket, wincing as he moves his hand around. I walk over to him and see that it's a few pieces of candy, some cough drops, and a peppermint. My mouth waters at the sight of it and I reach forward. That's when I notice something strange. His hand is swollen and almost has this purple tinge to it. I take the candy and the kneel down.

"What happened to your hand?"

"It's from when you pushed me. No big deal though."

I grab it gently and roll his sleeve up, him fidgeting the whole time. "Does this hurt?" I ask as I apply pressure to it.

He nods and says "Yes" through his teeth.

"Can you bend it?" He is able to bend it a bit, but not without some trouble. "Well, it's not broken, but you definitely have a nasty sprain there, Newbie."

"I know," he mumbles.

"Sorry," I tell him.

Oh my God.

I did nawt just say that to him.

Percival Cox never apologizes. I don't even know the meaning of the word. I never feel bad about what I've done or said or anything like that. Just because I unintentionally hurt the kid and landed him in jail with me doesn't mean I have to even utter that terrible word that makes me want to kill myself. What the hell is wrong with me today?

"What?" He inquires, his eyes lighting up.

I sigh and shake my head back and forth. "I'm...sorry, okay?"

He leans back in his seat. "Wow, never thought I'd live to see the day you'd say that to me."

"Neither did I. I was hoping I'd be dead before this moment could ever happen."

He smiles a little. "Vintage Cox."

* * *

"If I don't get something to eat within the next three minutes, I think I might explode."

I've been sitting here forever now, nearly banging my head against the wall from boredom and hunger and restlessness. Now, my hunger's gotten so bad that my stomach is cramping and I feel like I could toss my cookies at any given point in time. But Newbie isn't showing any signs of discomfort. He fell asleep with that stupid grin on his face after I apologized.

Which, by the way, I am regretting.

Now, the kid's going to think that we're best friends or something along those lines. He'll ask if he can come over and watch a movie, or braid each other's hair, or whatever it is that Newbie does in his free time. Good lord, why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't I have just kept my big mouth shut like I usually do? Something is seriously wrong with me.

Just then, the doors open, letting the morning light shine through, making me shut my eyes from the brightness. When I open them back up, I see Carla and Gandhi standing there. Carla looks super pissed off, while Gandhi is still half asleep and doesn't really look like he cares too much about all of this. I push Newbie and he wakes up, screaming in the process.

It takes a while, but Carla convinces the cops to let us go. That federal agent, to my dismay, didn't decide to press charges anyway, but she did have to pay him a one thousand dollar bail, which she says that if she doesn't get every penny back from me by the end of the month that she'll rip my testicles off, which is not the way for my boys to go.

The cops release us, opening the cell doors and letting us take our first steps in a while. My legs are numb and aren't exactly working right, but I'm just glad to get out of there. Newbie walks over to Carla and gives her a hug, wrapping his arms around her slender frame. She pushes him away and asks "What happened to your wrist?"

He shrugs and gives a sheepish smile.

"Dr. Cox! How could you do this to him?" She yells as she places her hands on her hips.

I'm about ready to open my mouth with a brilliant comeback, but then Newbie starts talking. "Don't worry about it, Carla. Perry and I are jail buddies now. We're tighter than ever," he says as he clasps his hands together to signify a unit that was brought together, wincing as he squeezes. I glare at him and lose it right then and there.

I'm _so_ going to kill him.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I'm not sure if any of that was in character or not, but I sure hope it was. I made J.D. forgive Dr. Cox so easily because he was surprised to hear him apologize to him, which is something that Dr. Cox hardly ever does. This piece was just to show a small moment between the two of them, kind of like the ones they have on the show. Hopefully you guys liked it and will continue to read some of my other stories that I have posted on here. Thank you so much for reading and please remember that reviews are always appreciated!


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